Look. Let's get something straight. Having an eating disorder doesn't mean a person becomes an emotional cripple, damaged beyond repair, pathetic, retarded, psychotic or insignificant. Having an eating disorder doesn't mean giving license to be abused by others. We are still ourselves with all the intelligence, all the talent and all the compassion we ever had.
I've become somewhat disturbed by how willing women and girls are to put themselves down and to take criticism for doing things that are perfectly normal. What an odd state for women to be in, no? So many women are still demure, still abused in their relationships, still pretending to be weak so as to stroke their lovers' egos, still insecure, still taken advantage of, still paid less, and so on.
Yet, there exists this cultural ideal, this imaginary super woman. Allow me to repeat, imaginary. I'm sure there's a diagnosis that fits this cultural disease. Would it be borderline? If we're to look at the symptoms caused by our social mores, is borderline the most fitting? Maybe schizophrenia? I really don't know.
What I do know is that there's a huge disconnect between the real lives experienced by women and how our culture would like us to believe we are experiencing our lives. What I want to say to younger women is, don't doubt yourselves and what you know. Don't doubt that your experiences and your feelings are genuine and true. Don't doubt that your intuition is a better guide than most anything else. You are more wise than you imagine yourself to be, perhaps more powerful than you want to be.
If we discredit ourselves, take ourselves out of the running, because we have a symptom of an epic cultural crisis, then how will we achieve wellness in our communities? I guess I just feel a sense of urgency; I want to fix it now because I want my daughter, her friends, her generation, to know something different than I know. I want them to have real choices, not ultimatums. I don't want them getting backed into corners that leave them with something like an eating disorder for a survival skill.
The current relationship between women and the culture that we live in mirrors that of an abusive relationship. Think about that. I welcome your feedback.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by gweni. gweni said: just blah-gged - my post is lovingly called... girl, you are NOT retarded ;) xo http://is.gd/c3xak [...]
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, although some parts of a woman's life are unfair, the glass ceiling, the assumptions, but in some ways i kind of like it.
ReplyDeleteAs much as it's not right or fair by any means, it's only because men (who lets be honest are the other half of this "society") fear us. They're scared that we actually might be better than them!! (shock horror. Who would have thought it, a woman who has a high profile job, runs a family, keeps herself fit and healthy AND has time to please their man at night?!?!)
Although this seems like "superwoman" it's not. It's the majority of people behind closed doors. This power is amazing and something i'm aspiring to do. And although it isn't celebrated, everyone knows the capacity is there, but it's as if its womens little secret, and men just don't want to admit it. And tbh, i do like that idea of mystery. And as long as you surround yourself with people who DO treat you right??
Fuck the rest of the world :)
wow...using the word retarded is just so wrong. so off. do you know that when you use the word retarded you mock those with disabilities. Just because you didn't say it to their face doesn't mean that you didn't hurt a vulnerable population of human beings.
ReplyDelete@stella,
ReplyDeleteI'd be ever so grateful if you'd explain your thinking a bit. I don't get your logic. At all. In fact, it's a bit retarded.
For your benefit, this is the definition of retarded: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress.
:)