alone

Finally. I can not remember the last time I was by myself. It's been weeks. Nothing suffocates me more than not having any solitude. In this moment I can do whatever I want, and what I want is to be left completely alone. I can't help it. My genetic disposition demands it.

Before the children left late this morning with their father, I was having visions of a grand binge, imagining all the things I'd get at the store, the line up I'd have on the table. Pretty funny. I guess I was a bit hungry. Now that they're gone, I've no interest in dreaming up or acting out a binge. Quiet is what I desire most, not food.

So, I've been drinking coffee, chatting with friends uninterrupted, looking at art, and looking forward to working out later. Today I'll bike for a good while, then I'm dancing.