for one day

Now this is weird; I'm in a decent mood this morning. Granted, I'm nearly finished with my java, but that's not it. It's my thinking that's a little different, as though the fog of obsessive thoughts about my eating disorder has lifted somewhat. Halley Lou Yah!

Oh, I'm sure that at some point today I'll get wicked uptight about food, but for now, it's not an issue. Perhaps I finally got enough fat energy to my brain.

Speaking of fat:  I don't feel as large as I have been feeling lately. My parts feel like they are where they're supposed to be. I'm feeling more muscular and less fat. Yes, I took the time to examine my bod in the mirror.

For a time, I believed I'd never be in the kick ass shape I was in before my bike crash. I thought my body would be weakened forever, especially my right quad because the muscle was crushed to a pulp in two places. Even though I'd resigned myself to a lower standard of physicality, I kept fighting.

After 22 months of "bed rest" I was given permission to start increasing activity. I'd walk down to the corner and back. I put my bike on a trainer and started out with one minute of riding. At the time I was on so much pain medicine, too. Looking back it's a bit surreal.

I've been off the pain meds for well over a year, after a long weaning process, of course. Walking isn't a problem anymore. I can walk as long as I want to and bike rides can last for a couple of hours. Though I can't claim to be fully recovered, I'm awfully close and my body is starting to resemble the body I remember. Maybe I can get it back.

So today, before I do my ride, I'm feeling thankful. My determination and my will is strong. I needn't feel defeated by anything right now because I've risen from the depths of injury and pain. Am I really going to let something like unfinished housework or an unpaid bill define my level of success? Or whether or not I swear on occasion in front of my children? Since when am I such a small thinker?

This day is going to be a good one. For a moment, I believe I'm capable and strong. I think I'll run with this, even if only for a day.