Wednesday, June 2, 2010

near numbness

If someone were to ask me how much "medication" I've had today, I'd have to guess. The best thing is that it puts a stop on my pointless anxiety. Right now, I feel like I'm on vacation. I'm so relaxed and at ease. Wasted, I am not.

There's something perfect about combining gabapentin with a bit of benzos. I'm talking .25 alprazolam and 100mg gaba, small doses. It's working wonders though. I feel like I can be more rational since I'm not trying so hard to suppress the anxiety symptoms. I've been more productive in general and more patient with my children.

Sadly, the benzos are kick downs from other people. My doc won't prescribe them because she fears that they're highly addictive. Funny thing is that the gaba she prescribes gives me a buzz, not benzos. If I wanted to be wasted I'd take a bunch of the gaba. But whatever, other doctors give scripts with generous amounts of the drugs, so I'm not worried about having access.

Food wise, I'm doing five days of 500kcals or less. This is the second day. I'll probably ditch a half a pound from it; maybe a full pound. I'll see where my weight is and go from there when the five days are over. 90 is the limit.

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