zero focus

Why do I feel like such a loser every time I put food in this body? And what is really going on with me? My ability to deny myself access to my actual reality is astounding. Seriously, I should be working in Hollywood. Those people are equally delusional...more delusional.

I feel bad for the aging stars, ie Jen Aniston & co, Madonna, Brad Pitt (face lift anyone?), Horse-face Lady...what's her name...sex in the city chick...Matthew Broderick's wife...oh well, and the list goes on forever. The over 35ers in Hollywood have become pretty pathetic. If I see an ad for one more rom/com starring any of these haggard, used to be-s I'm going to scream.

Because as you can see, these are the things I really need to be thinking about today. I have a problem though; I can't freaking focus. I'm all over the place. ADHD. It's got to be. Then, I have visions of bottles of Adderall. Yum...and the food I ate earlier. Yuk...and I think about working out...my son's birthday get together...my upcoming birthday...

Image by (davide) via Flickr

I didn't want to be anything anyway. You know; birthday; assess your life; make goals; imbibe. I used to think I'd be a dancer first, but that I'd go to college - of course. What girl growing up in the 70s-80s didn't think she'd go to college? I planned on being an attorney and an obstetrician.

Dammit though. I'm a reader. Yes, I read. Lots. So, in high school I started digging into history, the US justice system, the AMA, insurance companies, women's history. I began to explore the world, through books. It didn't take more than a year to shatter every illusion I'd had about life in the US. So yeah, I didn't want "to be" anything anyway.

SEE? I'm. All. Over. The place.