a brilliant fake letter will help me :\

Here's how messed up I am. I faked a letter to myself from a medical research group in order to "legally" and seriously restrict around my kids for the next few weeks. My brilliant thought was that I'd put it on the fridge. At present, this letter is in my back pocket. Of course I folded it into three, you know, like you do with a letter. The letter says...and I did a letterhead and everything (um, yeah, what the fuck?).

Image by x-ray delta one via Flickr

The letter says,

You have enrolled in the following study:
I/O Study - Relationship Between Certain Medications and Nutrition. You will receive compensation upon completion of the entire study. Should medical issues arise please contact your approved physician or dial 911 in the case of an emergency. In order to receive full compensation the following rules must be adhered to:

I/O Study Part 1

• to last no less than seven days, no more than fifteen days
• beverages permitted include water, tea, coffee, sugar free drinks, no alcohol
• take medicine as prescribed
• maximum of 500 kcalories daily
• chart I/O and physical reactions using online resource provided

I/O Study Part 2

• to last no less than 48 hours, no more than 96 hours
• only  beverages permitted (include water, tea, coffee, sugar free drinks)
• take medicine as prescribed
• chart I/O and physical reactions using online resource provided

I/O Study Part 3

• to last no less than seven days, no more than fifteen days
• beverages permitted include water, tea, coffee, sugar free drinks, no alcohol
• take medicine as prescribed
• maximum of 1500 kcalories daily
• chart I/O and physical reactions using online resource provided

I/O Study Part 4

• to last no less than seven days, no more than fifteen days
• take medicine as prescribed
• no limitations on kcalories
• chart I/O and physical reactions using online resource provided

Thank you for participating in I/O Study - Relationship Between Certain Medications and Nutrition. We value your willingness to be part of our important research program(s).

Thom Silcin, PhD, MSW
Research Coordinator

I thought I'd do parts one and two over and over. How fucking insane is that? Doing this has nothing to do with my children other than sucking them into my insanity. I already restrict. If I binge and purge it's after they've gone to bed. Why would I want them to monitor my eating? It's so sick.

This dumb ass letter is an attempt to restore order where there is none. This letter is about my reaction to my weight going up a few pounds. This letter is my illness manifest on paper. Though I won't put it on the fridge or anywhere else, it'll serve as a reminder that I'm sick in the head.