I love how I feel after days of insomnia. Add to that inadequate calories, compulsive exercise, plenty of caffeine, heavy cleaning, solitude, music, video games, books and internet. Stir until numb. Christ. I'm a 38 year old teenager.
So it concerns me a little to see myself as I am. I don't mean my physical appearance. Lots of fat, even average chickies would love to be as small as I am. Believe me, I am not complaining about that. I'm talking about my head space.
But fuck it. I'm numbing out my crazy. I'm just being myself; doing the things I like to do without interruption. It's this very focus on myself that will help me solve my dilemma. I gotta get down and dirty; gotta do what I can to alter my consciousness without using drugs.
I gotta organize my clothes and gather donations for goodwill. I gotta help people understand the bigger picture. I gotta paint the foundation of my house. I gotta clean out the basement. I gotta wash the ceiling. I gotta...I gotta...I gotta.
I gotta do something!
Makes me want to act out the riot within, give voice to the silent screaming I do.
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