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| fasting Buddha |
The second part of my plan is to beg and busk for dollars. That's right. I've been looking and looking for work that is suitable for me and there is nothing out there. I'm not about to sit and be passive, waiting for something to open up. I'll lose everything if I wait. So, I'll beg at rush hour and I'll busk at night in the busiest part of my hood, a popular night spot in the city. I'm not above it. I have children and I have a mortgage. I'll do what I have to do to make it.
The other thing that needs to be done while they're away is the cleaning out of my house. I've got to search for the debris from my emotional past, toss it out and move on with my life. Time and chaos continue with or without me. Why do I have to keep acting like a fucking hurt victim, hiding myself away from everyone? I'm sick of it.
There's more to the role of fasting than just to get clear headed. Fasting, elevating my "control" levels or what I call, turning my crazy up to eleven, will quell the surges of anxiety I'm sure to experience in the coming days. I'm a little nervous, though I'm not sure exactly why. I guess I'm afraid that fear will reign supreme and that I'll never make it out of the house. It sounds so ridiculous, but it could happen. So I think about fasting instead.
I'll be online more often for support and to check in with people. Wish me luck. There's a good chance this is going to be a rough ride.
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