Safety & Maslow's hierarchy of needs

It's 2:15 a.m. and I'm taking speed. This tells me a couple things about myself. One, I'm completely out of control at this point. Two, I'm terrified. I literally live in fear almost every moment of my life.

So many times I've tried to imagine or remember times in my life when I've felt safe. With great shame I have to admit to an absence of such feelings. The times that I have felt safe have been so fleeting, so brief.

Did you know that having a sense of safety is at the base level Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Although his work is debated and criticized, one can not deny that he made accurate observations.

"Some neurotic adults in our society are, in many ways, like the unsafe child in their desire for safety, although in the former it takes on a somewhat special appearance. Their reaction is often to unknown, psychological dangers in a world that is perceived to be hostile, overwhelming and threatening. Such a person behaves as if a great catastrophe were almost always impending, i.e., he is usually responding as if to an emergency...
The neurotic individual may be described in a slightly different way with some usefulness as a grown-up person who retains his childish attitudes toward the world. That is to say, a neurotic adult may be said to behave 'as if' he were actually afraid of a spanking, or of his mother's disapproval, or of being abandoned by his parents, or having his food taken away from him. It is as if his childish attitudes of fear and threat reaction to a dangerous world had gone underground, and untouched by the growing up and learning processes, were now ready to be called out by any stimulus that would make a child feel endangered and threatened.[3]
The neurosis in which the search for safety takes its dearest form is in the compulsive-obsessive neurosis. Compulsive-obsessives try frantically to order and stabilize the world so that no unmanageable, unexpected or unfamiliar dangers will ever appear (14); They hedge themselves about with all sorts of ceremonials, rules and formulas so that every possible contingency may be provided for and so that no new contingencies may appear...They try to arrange the world so that anything unexpected (dangers) cannot possibly occur. If, through no fault of their own, something unexpected does occur, they go into a panic reaction as if this unexpected occurrence constituted a grave danger."

I'm bringing this up because I have to wonder exactly what the fuck I'm suppose to achieve when I can't find a sense of safety not only in the world that surrounds me, but also within myself. I don't feel safe being me, being in my body. This body is a battle zone. Every war I've fought has been because of this body.

Is it so hard to believe that I'd want to destroy it? In actual warfare would you not destroy the theater in which your enemy had the upper hand? You'd napalm the jungle, expose the enemy and kill them. This body is that theater. Shouldn't enemies and would be enemies be deterred from entering? Regardless, I'll be awake until the light of dawn guarantees that no stalker, no rapist, no molester will enter this retired seat of war.