I guess this is how I respond to extraordinary levels of stress and hardship. I've been barfing at least three times a week. And not just barfing. I've been eating things I normally wouldn't then barfing.It hurts. It irritates my throat, leaves marks on my hand and it takes so long. Yet no matter how much time I spend getting everything out of me, I know there's always something left. Over time, I'll gain and gain.
Fuck no. I went down this road in my twenties. A road that left me feeling so desperate that I thought death was the only way out. I nearly succeeded. It's a wonder that I survived the overdose because I really shouldn't have. I have no recollection of the police, the ambulance or any medical procedures. I'm not sure how they found me in my apartment. Maybe a neighbor called? I'll never know.
I never want to feel that hopeless again in all my life. With determination, I'm squashing this shit now. I'm cleaning out my bod. I see the head shrinker for anxiety Wednesday. I'll have to see what he/she comes up with for treatment.
I'm so tired. Bulimic behaviors really zap your life force. Evil. Just like I said.
=( this blog makes me sad cause its the hell im living.
ReplyDeletei miss getting your emails gweni. what happened? you're not replying anymore.
xox Ash
Hey kiddo :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to have dropped out of the email loop. It's not intentional. The inbox has overwhelmed me and I've yet to sort through messages.
I hope you see this, are enjoying your independence and are taking care of yourself the best you can.
I'll look for your emails tonight. 8)
xo
gweni