I haven't been blogging lately and I miss chat room/forum friends. There just isn't the time for it. I tend to spaz out a little at the beginning of a new school year. I want everything to be "just right" for the kids. It's been hard this year though because of my anxiety, acting out bulimic behaviors, and running out of savings.
I can not recall a time I had this much of this kind of stress before. Of course it would help immensely if ex would pay child support, but who the fuck am I kidding. The support I honestly need has got to come from the larger pro-ana community. I just don't have a place to fit in there anymore it seems. I'm getting too isolated in my sickness.
I just awful in my ED behaviors right now. It's as though I don't care about whether or not I live. And the anger I have is so palpable everyday. I can't take it.
Of course my weight is stable at fucking 95. I hate 95lbs. To me it represents my failures in every way (can't even control my weight).
I've been fasting by day and having a binge at night. Fucking stupid.
I absolutely hate who I am, the wuss I have become.
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