The past 24 hours has been kind of messed up, ED-wise. I woke in the middle of the night and ate a bunch of crackers, cheez its to be exact. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I went to barf.
Yeah. Ever try to purge that crap? Cheez its become a solid lump of fat and carbs impenetrable by most substances once they've been chewed and swallowed. Normally, if I wanted that sweet, cheesy, salty, fatty snack, I'd spit out what I'd chewed. But during a zombie binge, forget it. For an hour I tried to get all of it out of me. Water, water, water, purge, purge, purge. Needless to say, very little made it into the toilet.In a panic, because I was feeling like a whale, I took three, only three, laxies. Here's the messed up part. I didn't really remember what I'd done until I was getting out of bed and doubled over with stomach pain. Silly me. I can't take laxatives! They kill me.
Immediately, I felt a need to throw up. Like watering mouth and nausea, not like a purge. Grr. My morning was stained by this. I didn't get my daughter off to school. (Which ended up being ok because she's ill.) Within a hour I was on the toilet and have been off and on the toilet all freaking day. I've had nothing to eat because the evil cheez it experience used all 800 cals. AND I could only manage 30 minutes of working out.
Fuck! I'd have been better off skipping the laxies, but being empty feels so good. In a twisted way, it's been worth it. I feel so much "cleaner" now.
All I know is that I'm looking forward to 800 cals of healthy food tomorrow.
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